What a busy last few days. At the weekend I was in the Dublin area visiting Tim and John, and of course, the studio in Bray town. All I can say is that I wont be recommending Hertz car rentals with their under 25's insurance surcharge, not giving me the 5 seater car I asked for, 1200 euro excess that can't be reduced, and of course, putting in the wrong return point on the GPS system.

Aside from that I had a great time and made sure that I got to see the RTE ad on TV and got to eat in an Eddie Rockets diner. Although I didn't get to see the RTE advert in the cinema, I did see it during the half time of the Manchester United Vs. Liverpool match on Sky Sports ... awesome! (despite having no interest in football whatsoever)

As for my Eddie Rockets venture, well, here's the photo evidence:

yum, yum!

Once the ad has been approved by the client and has gone on air, I'll make sure to get a version for all to see here.

After arriving back to Luton on Monday night, it was time to head up to Yorkshire to see my brother, his 46" HDTV, and of course, the newly reorganised mattress shop; which is looking very nice indeed. That was a great two days and I now have a few days to relax.

So what can one do with free time? Well, why not draw a picture using pastels. That is exactly what I did, and here's the results:


I've got a few new project bubbling at the moment which I'm going to put some time into planning. But aside from that, I need to get my act together and complete that Blue Fusion video sooner than later.

I'll be honest; this week I have lost quite a bit of motivation. Normally I have some clear goals in sight, whereas at the moment I can't see them. Today I woke up and couldn't find any motivating reason to get out of bed. Alas, I still had to as going to work was on my todo list.

But as I laid there I thought, what do I want out of life and how do I get it? In some respects, I don't actually know the answer to the first part, let alone answer the second. From time to time I feel like the world can be a small place. I feel that no matter where I would be, I'd still feel that air of solitude in my trueman show that has an audience of one. The sad truth is that I'm too far forward to be able to turn around and head back. My life is from this point on, and there's no reliving the times that I remember to be worthy of reliving.

So what has sparked this? Maybe it's a side effect of having been at home the past weekend where I managed to see a friend who I knew in school. Seeing him made me feel young again and reminded me the good times of my childhood. But feelings like that are only short and brief and real life must commence. I can't help but feel I'm a child just playing grown up. I've always felt it, and I think I always will. But the child in me is missing the things that easily please. Life at the moment is strung together by a few strands of mild interest that is supposed to build the bigger picture.

Somethings in my mind I play out the scene if I were to completely change my life. What if I quit my job and moved to Yorkshire to continue my freelance life there? What if I were to quit my job and move to Dublin and set up a studio with my two friends? I know I wont move back to Luton as that is simply trying to relive a past that just doesn't exist anymore. The real question is, what life can I have if I continue to do what I'm doing? How long will it be before I realise that change is the only way to allow me to find what I'm looking for?

One thing is for sure though. A true lack of motivation can be the seed of a new motivation. Not necessarily about reaching your goal, but one about finding the goal to reach for. Right now, my goal is to find what I'm looking for that will make me a happy in the long term. But until then, it's going to be a paint by numbers of the smaller pieces that interest me until I can see that bigger picture.

But all this that I'm feeling is a normal progression that people feel as they 'grow up'. As people from your generation start to settle down, you realise how the circle of life really works. I'm the uncle now, not the nephew, and as my life hasn't evolved how I'd like in order to enter this adulthood, I feel like a spirit stuck between life and the afterlife.

But it's not all doom and gloom. The things that have moved on from my last post are that I've finally started my acoustic guitar course. Seems like it's going to be a lot of fun and the class seem like a good bunch. However, it will be a lot of hard work and will involve a lot of practice. This will determine if it's something I truly want to do based on how much I stick with it.

Then I had my drawing and painting course. We used soft pastels to draw some fruit in colour. Here are two pieces that I created. The first is just a quick test with the pastels and the second is the still life drawing.

It's incredible what you can produce after a few moments of doodling with a tablet. You suddenly find yourself with an idea forming and the motivation to spend longer working on it. I have two new updates on my digital painting front.

The next piece was a quick doodle of a poor quality printout that happened to be laying on my tablet. So I traced the paper, as it laid there, then filled in the colour after.

Here is an attempt at freehand drawing and painting. I used a photo reference, but everything had to be recreated by eye.

What can I say, I've fallen in love. Yep, I've fallen in love with my Wacom. But that aside, this relationship has proved to be somewhat useful. To start with, my first attempt of painting clouds.


But it doesn't stop there. Using a photo reference I managed to produce something with a little more drama in it.


So having my art course cancelled for this evening hasn't been a complete loss. However, the real challenges are drawing a physical object (rather than a photo reference), and drawing from memory or imagination. The truth be told, anyone can copy. The true artist is the one who can navigate that visual space using only their mind's eye. But at least I'm getting to grips with the tools which should aid that journey into the creative mind.

One a side note, I rediscovered an old art project on the web. Imagine a never ending picture...
http://www.duracel.de/zoom/zoom.htm

I finally received my new graphics tablet today, and after a brief play with it, I'm very, very impressed. With a full A4 working area, pressure sensitivity and even tilt sensitivity, it's quite a pleasure to work with.

Here is my very first ArtRage piece in a matter of moments with the new tablet...


Then with a little more preparation, I followed an ArtRage tutorial to produce this...


And while the above image was technically traced, here is my attempt of drawing what I can see. The subject is the nice pen stand that came with my graphics tablet.


Me finks this will be a lot of fun!

Everybody has a good day, and everybody has a bad day. Today started well, but I suddenly crashed with a lack of motivation and a lack of direction. A day like today usually comes around once every month or so; and was the reason I started this blog. It'll pass, but sometimes it's worth paying attention to the reasoning why today is filled with an air of despondency.

Could it be diet? Maybe this laziness is caused by the food that I eat and the exercise that I get. It could be my body's way of saying, "Hey! I need some attention here". And maybe it does.

Could it be stress? I actually think it might be the opposite. You see, I've noticed that I'm most creative when I'm deprived of the time to carry out my creative aspirations. This weekend is a somewhat relaxed one and I seem to be having 'time to kill' rather than 'time to cherish'.

Could it be because of the start of Autumn? I somewhat believe this has an affect. I've always noticed that I can feel an unexpected happiness in summer, so one would assume an unexpected sadness in winter, right?

Could it be too much solitude? Yesterday I worked from home waiting for a parcel that never arrived. Add that to a weekend, and you end up with three days without any other direct human interaction. Could this be the reason? Highly plausible I think.

So what benefit can be gained from this? Well, maybe it's a good opportunity to see how things have gone since my first blog post as it has been over five months of travelling into the unknown. I outlined a few desires and ambitions that I wanted out of life. Lets have a look to see where things are at...

Art

I'm still no artist, but for those that have been following my blog will see that I've taken action and enrolled on a course. While my drawing and painting course is going good, my music course has been postponed for another week.

I have taken a very quick photograph of my first two art pieces that I'm happy to share:

Charcoal Drawing

This was my first piece of work and I used charcoal for the first time. While I'm pleased with it, the proportions are far from accurate. But heh, everyone has to start somewhere.

Line and Tone

This piece was to draw a series of images to demonstrate line, tone and texture (the latter of which I'm yet to do). I'm pleased with the results of this one, but the subjects aren't all to ocaptivating though.

My Future

In contrast to my first post, I'm living my future right now. Since that time I survived a vital phase in my freelance work for my brother's company, and subsequently it continues to grow to strengthen my position to 'jump ship' and join the freelance crowd. I've also had the opportunity to work on two TV ads, one of which has made it to cinemas.

I would say this is a step in the right direction to securing my future. But again, I'm lost on what I need to do to make that transition to going freelance as I don't want to work from the prison of my own home.

A healthy body to a healthy mind

This area of my life needs a little attention, but I'm working on it.

Companionship

It is truly amazing how it is possible to avoid such a dependency by making yourself truly busy. Put me in a room long enough and I will feel sad, alone and sorry for myself. The only medicine for me is to use creativity and ambition to distract myself. It is surprising how being busy can numb that desire of compassion and just get on with life believing that everything is good.

I am the type of person who believes that I have the ability to do whatever I want with my life. If I want to be good at art, I can; by, well, doing art. If I want to be good at playing music, I can; by, well, playing music. But if I want to find that special someone, then the rules change. It's no longer about, 'what I can do'. It's about something much more tricky. With simple questions such as, 'how to find the right person' and 'how to be the right person', it's no longer directly in my control. There are some people who could walk out of a relationship and right into the next, and I admire them at being able to seize such an opportunity. Simply put, I am not one of those people. While I am looking for a secure future and someone to share it with, it looks like I'll be going it alone for the time being.

So on that note, I would like to share to you something I found. While completely detached from all emotion, it does somewhat make you think about the time you are spending, and the time you are wasting.

One, then two, then three.

Tomorrow is of course another day, lets hope it's a new one.